


You've Gotta be Kitten Me!

by Ralemalt



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: A little bit of pining, Cats, Humour, M/M, i mean the prompt gives away the plot, probably some fluff in the future, witch au but not as the prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-07 11:08:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13433448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralemalt/pseuds/Ralemalt
Summary: Fili's always allowed his sister to use him as her guinea pig when it comes to practicing her magic.Maybe he shouldn't have this time.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure how much I'll be able to get written as these next few months are busy for me, but I decided to try to participate in the Winter FRE! And even if I can't post everything by the deadline, then I'll finish it when I'm able to.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this mess!
> 
>  **Edit:** The chapters are showing 1/? for me, but apparently not for others. This isn't a one shot.
> 
>  **Prompt:** 64\. One or both of them are turned into kittens (but keep their personalities and awareness)
> 
> Going for digital prizes!

"You know," Fili drawled lazily as he flipped through a large book, not understanding a single symbol on the pages, "Just because you can do magic, doesn't mean you have to constantly rub it in my face." He sent a meaningful glare at his sister, who was looking at him with a hopeful expression. "And why do I always end up being your guinea pig?" He demanded even though he already knew the answer.

Tauriel pouted and even crossed her arms. "I'm not trying to rub it in your face. I need to practice while Mom and Dad are away for the weekend! And I've always tested my spells on you! It's practically tradition now." She insisted with a slight plea in her tone.

He sighed in exasperation as he ran a hand through his hair. It was back to blond again and not coloured bright pink like it had been last week thanks to one of Tauriel's spells. He wouldn't have gone for pink himself, but sometimes she couldn't quite get the spell just right. Either way, it had turned out.

He knew he shouldn't get so annoyed with her whenever she came to him to practice. It wasn't her fault he was the only one in their family without the ability to perform magic. But he'd been born really susceptible to it, and she'd definitely taken advantage of that over the years.

"You owe me anyway." She insisted, determined to get what she wanted. "I helped you pass your Spanish class with a language spell, remember?"

He winced at the reminder. She'd put a spell on him the morning of the test so that everything out of his mouth was Spanish. It had been an interesting morning, but he'd passed the class. He didn't like to think of it as cheating per say, but it was probably crossing some line somewhere.

She did have a point though. The Spanish test hasn't been the only thing he'd asked of her over the years - like four out of the five earrings he had, not to mention how many cavities she'd fixed for him. Just small things that had helped her practice and grow stronger. There were always rules with these kinds of things, so some things were off limits.

He groaned in annoyance and sat up on the bed and handed her the book back, attempting to glare at her but only managing a pout. "Okay fine. What spell are you practicing?" He liked to be prepared for the little changes.

She flipped through the pages of her spell book before turning it around and showing him.

He didn't even bother to look and this time his glare was real. "You know I can't read magic." He muttered. The protection spell their parents had put on the book long before either of them was born made it so that only magic users could understand what was written within it.

Fili, tragically, could not. He tried not to take it personally.

She flushed, her cheeks almost going as red as her magically coloured hair. "Right. Sorry." Tauriel turned the book back around to her. He knew she hadn’t done it on purpose, understanding how excited she got whenever she got to practice a new spell. She always wanted to share them with him even if he couldn’t do anything. "It's a changing faces spell." She explained.

Fili made a face. "Like...becoming someone else? A disguise spell?"

"Yep!" She nodded with a grin, "I wasn't planning on doing your whole face." She wrinkled her nose and gave him a sly look, "Though you could definitely use it."

He grabbed a pillow and tossed it at her, making her laugh as she attempted to duck.

"I'm supposed to try something small at first, like your nose or ears or the colour of your eyes." Her own green eyes lit up with a new excitement. "I can finally give you pointed ears!" For whatever reason – Fili had stopped trying to understand his sister a long, _long_ time ago – she’d been trying to dress him up as a Christmas elf for years. Girls were werid.

"You're not touching my ears!" He covered them with his hands as if doing so could ward off any spell she tried.

It was her turn to pout but she relented. "Fine. Then I'll see if I can change that ugly nose of yours."

The aforementioned nose wrinkled in distaste. "I do not have an ugly nose."

She shrugged, "It matches your face."

Fili scowled, "If this is your way of thanking me for letting you practice, then you suck at it. I have things to do." He managed to stand up before she practically tackled him back on to the bed, arms wrapped tightly around his torso with his hands pinned to his sides.

Witch or not, he could break free of her grip if it came to that.

"No please! I'm only kidding! You're very handsome! I'm sure everyone at your school falls all over you! Please, Fili! Please help me out!" She spewed the words out almost too quickly for him to understand them.

He rolled his eyes at himself because he never had learned to say no to her. Not usually anyway. The elf thing was a whole other matter. "Alright, alright! Just get off me." He grunted, sitting up when she finally let go and moved back to the chair. "Can we just get this over with? Kili's coming over to study later, and I want to be back to normal by the time he gets here." His eyes narrowed, "He's never complained about my nose."

"Kili? Kili Durin?" She questioned, smirk growing on her face. "The same Kili you rarely bring over because you’re afraid we’ll embarrass you? The cutie you've been slobbering over for the better part of two years? That Kili?" She dug, knowing damn well who he was talking about.

He gave her an unimpressed look despite the fact that she might be slightly right about the whole liking Kili thing. For the record, he didn’t slobber. "Do you know anyone else named Kili?"

Her smirk only grew wider. "Is this a study date or a study _date_? Did my baby brother finally grow a pair and ask the guy out?"

Baby brother his ass. She was only two minutes older.

Fili's eyes flicked toward the door, wondering if she could stop him from fleeing if he tossed another pillow at her at the same time. Ugh, no. She knew a couple of spells that would do it. "We have a Chemistry test next week. We always study together, just not here." And they did always study together for tests and things, at the library or at Kili’s house. But this time felt different. Maybe it had been the shy smile Kili had been wearing when he’d asked, or the fact that Fili truly was head over heels for the other man. Regardless of the reason, the butterflies that had appeared in his stomach just after Kili had asked about studying together hadn’t stopped since.

Kili Durin had transferred into Fili's life the last year of high school, and Fili had had a huge thing for him ever since. He couldn't help the way he felt, and it had only gotten worse as the two became fast friends. Kili was easily Fili’s best friend, and the blond treasured what they had explicitly. The last thing he wanted was to let his stupid heart ruin it.

"Hm. Maybe this is all a ploy of his and what he really wants to study is the inside of your mouth." Tauriel almost cackled.

He wished he could hate her sometimes. "Can you just hurry up?" He crossed his arms and glared at her bookshelf across the room. "I still have to shower."

"That's for sure. You won't impress him with that stench, unless he's into that. Boys are weird." She said as she grabbed her wand from the special case on top of her desk where it was always kept unless she was practicing magic.

"Tauriel!" He growled.

"Okay, okay. God. Such a sourpuss." She wiggled a little to get more comfortable as she looked over the spell one more time, the tip of her wand waving just a bit as she read. "Okay. Close your eyes and let me concentrate." She insisted.

He sighed before doing as she asked, closing his eyes and waiting. She began to recite the spell and almost immediately his nose began to tingle the way the spells always worked. After a moment he felt a slight pressure as if someone was pinching the bridge of his nose.

Everything felt normal, but then suddenly the tingling spread to the rest of his body, and so did the pressure.

And he _itched_. Badly.

"What the hell Tauriel?" He asked, or tried to, as his eyes opened. He found himself suddenly very disorientated. Why was his sister huge?

He glanced around, realizing it wasn't just his sister, but everything else in her room too! "What did you d-"

He cut himself off immediately as he tried to process what had just come out of his mouth. It had not been human. And if he was not mistaken, _things_ moved on the top of his head that didn't belong there.

He glared as fiercely as he could at the young woman and _hissed_.

Tauriel was staring at him with wide eyes. "Oh my god, you're adorable." She laughed even as she grabbed a hand mirror from a drawer and held it out so he could see. “I should just keep you like this forever now.”

Large blue eyes set in a furry face stared back at him, tiny ears flicked back in irritation, only to press down more against his head as he watched.

She'd turned him into a cat.

And not just a cat. A _kitten_.

"This is a little more than my nose!" He complained loudly, but it came out as a bunch of meows. She had no way of understanding him. "How?" He demanded anyway.

"Oh calm down." She reached over and patted his head, and he was tempted to use the claws he could feel to scratch her. "My concentration just slipped. If I master this spell, I can finally get a familiar. I was hoping for a cat." She grinned. "Hopefully one as adorable as you!" She picked him up for a moment - and that was freaky enough, but then she was _nuzzling_ her cheek against his.

He grumbled loudly, pawing at her in an attempt to make her stop, then thought better of it because he didn't want her to accidentally drop him. He didn't feel like testing out the theory of all cats landing on their feet.

"You're such a pretty kitty. Look at the colour of your fur! It's about the same colour as your human hair. Oh god, it's so soft." She pet along his back, and...okay that kind of felt good. "Your little whiskers, oh!" She lifted up one of his hands - paws - and looked at the pads. An actual squeal left her mouth that caused him to tense, "Toe beans! They're so _pink_!"

When the petting and the cooing didn't let up, he growled low in his throat. It felt a little odd, and it wasn't very deep, but it got his point across.

"Okay, okay. Sour _puss_." She burst into laughter as she set him back on the bed. She'd always wanted a cat, but they'd never been able to have one because their father didn't like cats. Familiars were different though. Witches didn't have a say in what their familiars turned out to be. "Let me just reverse this, and then you can get ready for your date." Her smirk was back.

He decided to ignore it in hopes of being turned back faster. He closed his eyes and waited impatiently for the tingling to start again.

Nothing happened.

"Shit." Tauriel muttered and Fili opened his eyes to find her going through the spell book again. "It's not working." She continued as if he hadn't realized that. "Let me try again." She insisted, but yielded the same results.

She actually looked worried now, and that didn't make him feel better at all. "I should have waited until Dad was home!" She ran her hand through her hair.

Fili gave her a pointed look - he hoped - so that she'd explain what the hell that meant.

She either got the message or was going to explain anyway. "It's...a complicated spell." She began, "Dad told me to wait until he got home so we could practice together. But...I was too impatient and wanted to try on my own."

He meowed unhappily, beginning to clumsily pace across the bed. Short legs and loose blankets didn’t mix well. Now they'd have to wait until their parents got home for this spell to be reversed - he froze in absolute terror. Their parents were away for the weekend! He was going to be stuck as a cat until they got home!

He wouldn't call what came out of his mouth a shriek, but that's what it was.

"Calm down!" Tauriel yelled over the noise, "I'll fix it!" She promised, "I'll just need a little more practice."

His expression must have been completely horrified because she scoffed, "Not on you. On something else." She hissed, "But it won't be safe for you in the house. You're too susceptible to magic. I don't want to make things worse."

He was a cat. He wasn't sure how things could get worse.

"With my luck, I'd end up turning you into a slug or something!"

...okay. Things could be worse.

"So where am I supposed to take you instead?" She wondered to herself.

And maybe it was luck, maybe it was fate, but at that moment the doorbell rang.

Tauriel's eyes lit up as if she'd found a solution. "Kili!"

What? _What_? **_WHAT_**?

She couldn't be serious!

"Come on you." She plucked him off the bed so fast his stomach lurched.

He clung to her with his claws as she raced to the front door. She didn't complain, so they must not have been that painful.

The brunet standing outside looked startled as the door was literally flung open. Not that Fili really noticed because even as a feline, his breath caught in his throat a little when he saw the young man standing there.

Kili's book bag was slung over his shoulder. His hair was a little damp, and the scent of shampoo in the air confirmed he'd showered. He was a early, but Fili didn't mind.

Until he remembered he wasn't exactly himself.

"Hey, Kili. What are you doing here?" Tauriel asked innocently only to wince as Fili dug his claws into her arm. That seemed to get her attention.

Still wide eyed (and really, really cute), Kili stared at her. "Uh, I'm meeting Fili. We were going to study for a test." He explained and one of Fili's ears twitched at the sound of his voice. He enjoyed listening to it as a human, and it wasn't any different as a cat.

Tauriel turned up the confusion, "You mean he didn't tell you?" She asked, and from where Fili was half tucked half dangling from her arm, he dreaded where this was going.

Now it was Kili's turn to be confused because Fili had never stood him up before, and he certainly wouldn’t have if he could have helped it. "Uh, tell me what?" He asked.

"He went out of town with our parents for the weekend." Tauriel said.

_What?!_

She continued, "I'm not surprised he didn't text you. The moment he got home, Mom and Dad practically swept him into the car. He probably didn't get a chance to." At least she was trying to make him sound like less of an asshole. "They went to visit - uh - our grandparents!" She stumbled over an excuse, and if anyone had been looking at him, they would have seen the cat roll his eyes.

"Oh." There was no way to miss the disappointment in Kili's tone, or the slight slump of his shoulders, and that just made Fili feel guilty even though none of this was his fault. "I guess I'll see him after the weekend then. See you later, Tauriel." The brunet began to turn away when Tauriel reached out and grabbed him.

"Wait!" She said before smiling disarmingly, or attempting to. Fili had the opinion that she looked like a lunatic. "You actually came at the perfect time."

"For what?" Kili asked suspiciously as he tried to pull away from her, and Fili beamed at the fact that he was smart enough to realize she was crazy.

Fili made a soft grunting sound as he was suddenly thrust out toward Kili, the world moving so fast that his bottom half – oh my god he had a _tail_ \- almost hit Kili in the face.

"I found this stray on the way home. He was digging through some garbage." Tauriel lied through her teeth, but at least this sounded more realistic than visiting their grandparents. "He looked so pathetic that I couldn't just leave him."

Fili's ears flicked back at that. Now she was just going too far.

"Anyway, I can't keep him here. My dad is super allergic and would probably have an allergy attack the moment he got home. Do you think you could take the little guy for a little while?" She pleaded, changing her tone to something cutesy. "I'll try to find him a home this weekend, so it'll only be for a couple days!" She promised.

She was trying to get Kili to take him home. Oh for the love of - wait, hold on. He wouldn't actually mind going home with Kili. He was still horrified that his sister was pretty much giving him away though, but at least it was Kili.

Admittedly he'd rather spend time with the man as a human being, but clearly that wasn't going to happen. And with Kili he knew he'd be safe.

The look on Kili's face made his stomach drop a little. It was clearly regret and Fili knew that when the brunet opened his mouth the answer would be a no. Scrambling for something to change the outcome, he did the only thing left available to him.

He mewled softly and stretched out one of his paws toward Kili, batting at the air. He curled his hind legs and tail under him a little to make him look smaller for added effect.

"Look at that. He likes you already." There was an amused and all-too-knowing tone in Tauriel's voice.

Fili chose to ignore it because Kili faltered as his gaze shifted to the kitten being offered to him.

"I'll pay you back for any expenses. He's going to need food and litter after all." Tauriel chimed in, having seen the change in Kili. Then the evil witch smirked. "I'm sure Fili would _really_ appreciate it."

Kili stared at her for a minute and as Fili watched an interesting blush appeared across this cheeks and nose.

Well that was intriguing.

"Okay, okay." Kili reached out with gentle hands - much gentler and safer than Tauriel's for the record - and took the kitten from the woman.

For a minute Fili forgot about the whole messy situation as he was tucked against Kili's chest and had the area between his ears scratched. Oh. _Oh._ That was nice. And Kili smelled nice too. It was enough to distract him from the rest of conversation because the next thing he knew, the door was being closed loudly and it was just him and Kili.

"That was weird." His ears twitched as Kili muttered a little under his breath. "Weirder than Tauriel's normal weird."

Fili probably shouldn't have been happy to learn that Kili thought his sister was weird, but he planned on rubbing it in later when he had two feet and two arms again.

Of course, Kili didn't know about the whole witch thing. Nobody outside of the family did except others with the same abilities. He'd wanted to confide in his best friend about it multiple times as it would have been great to have _someone_ to complain or just talk to, but it had always been a rule not to tell anyone the truth.

He realized Kili was looking at him, and as he peered up into warm brown eyes, he decided he could get lost in them forever and be happy. He opened his mouth to say that, but all that came out was another mewl.

Right. Cat.

At least the sound brought a smile to Kili's face. "You are pretty cute." His hold on Fili grew firmer as he moved away from the front door of Fili's home. "Guess it's just you and me this weekend, buddy." There was something down in Kili's tone, and the feline couldn't help but think it was because of him. His thought was confirmed by Kili's next comment, "Maybe you can help me study for Chemistry."

Fili meowed, unable to do much else as Kili carried him.

That caused the human to chuckle. "Yeah? Well good. I'll enjoy the company. But first, I guess we have to make sure you're settled in." There was movement and as Fili watched, Kili pulled out his phone.

He caught a glimpse of the lockscreen:  a picture of the two of them together just before they started university. Kili had his arm thrown around Fili's shoulders as they both smiled at the camera.

It disappeared in favour of the Internet and then Fili just lost interest. The way he was being cradled had Kili's hand just beneath his head, and the brunet's fingers kept curling and scratching under his chin. It must have been a cat thing, but he just wanted the scratches to go on forever.

"Hi," the brunet suddenly said into his phone, apparently having looked up a number to call. "I, uh, have a stray kitten that I thought might need to be looked at?" It came out as a question. "He seems alright, but I just wanted to make an appointment just to be sure. Oh really? No that would be great! I was expecting tomorrow or something." Kili sounded relived about whatever they were talking about. "Okay, we'll be there. Thank you!" With that done, Kili's phone disappeared once more and his free hand returned to scratching and petting Fili's head.

Honestly at this point, being a cat for the rest of his life didn't seem like such a bad thing.

"Alright buddy, quick stop at the vet and then we'll go see about food and toys."

Blue eyes shot open. Vet?!


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vet's office. Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot this was a raffle and not just another FiKi Week. My mind is definitely elsewhere right now. Anyway, I'm glad you guys enjoyed the first chapter. Thank you for commenting!
> 
> Prompt: 20. Forehead kisses (probably not what the prompter was looking for.)
> 
> Going for digital prizes!

The vet's office.

The scent of multiple nervous dogs and cats clogged Fili's little pink nose and almost made him gag. Not to mention the smells of bleach and other chemicals used to clean the place.

Fili didn't even want to explore the room they'd been led to while they waited for the vet to see them between patients. It was small enough for him to see a cupboard on the other side of the room where the medical stuff was probably held. He'd dubbed it the Cupboard of Doom the moment he saw it. Then there was the Table of Torture sitting in the middle of the room - a metal examination table that he wanted nothing to do with. And then the chair Kili was sitting in. It didn't have a name since it was clearly the safest place in this room.

Fili glared at Kili, ears flicked back and eyes narrowed, even as he clung to the human because he was terrified. Hacking up a hairball in Kili's lap sounded like the start of a good revenge plan right about then.

Kili was ignoring him for the moment in favour of his phone, texting someone. By the slightly grumpy expression the brunet wore, Fili could only assume it was him. Only his phone was probably in his room somewhere, and even if he did have it, it wasn't like he could text back.

"How could you do this to me?" Fili complained, his meowing finally drawing Kili's attention. "What if he wants to fix me?!"

He was patted on his head for his trouble. "Sorry buddy. Trying to get a hold of a friend. I didn't mean to ignore you." Kili promised with a sigh, and he looked more depressed than Fili had ever seen him. Kili was one of those constantly happy people, though Fili had been witness to bad days too. He'd never seen Kili look this down though.

And it was his fault.

Well, it was Tauriel's fault, but Kili was sad because of Fili. He supposed he could try to cheer the other up a little instead of plotting revenge.

"Once this is all over I'll make it up to you." Fili insisted as he nuzzled against Kili's hand. It was a very sad attempt at comfort, but it was all he could do in the body he was in now

Of course Kili didn't know he was even trying to _offer_ comfort. "Aw, you looking for some comfort little guy? At least, I think you're a guy." Kili scratched behind a fuzzy ear, and _ohh oh damn_. What was he supposed to be doing right now again?

He absently wondered how Kili would react to being asked to scratch behind his ears as a human. "Come here." And with that Fili found himself getting scooped up into Kili's arms.

He'd dreamed of being in this exact position multiple times, but not while having the body of a furry feline, and he never quite pictured being cradled like a baby. The tip of his tail flicked in slight annoyance at the situation, but whatever. He'd take what he could get at this point, and at least Kili was slightly distracted from depressing thoughts.

"It's not going to be so bad. The vet's just going to look you over and make sure you're not sick." Kili promised tenderly, scratching behind a golden ear again, and as Fili leaned into the touch - it was literally impossible not to - he noticed Kili studying him with a peculiar expression.

He meowed curiously.

"I've never seen a cat this colour before. You really remind me of my friend." Kili was murmuring to himself mostly, "I swear you have the same coloured eyes as Fili too."

If he hadn't been so comfortable where he was, Fili probably would have rolled those eyes. "Well that's because I _am_ Fili. You just don't know it."

Kili chuckled at his meowing before frowning and looking at his phone again, even as he kept the kitten against his chest. "He's not answering." He sighed again before letting his head fall back against the wall behind him. "He always answers." His frown was deeper this time. "There's just something about this situation that's off."

He certainly wasn't wrong, but he didn't want Kili to keep thinking about it either. It took a little bit of a struggle since the human didn't help _at all_ , but he finally rolled within Kili's grip so he was no longer on his back. Now that he could move, he climbed up onto Kili's shoulder and butted his forehead against the brunet's cheek.

It had the desired effect and Kili’s laugh filled the room. Fili really enjoyed that sound.

"Hey hold still for a minute." Kili's hand was place on his back to keep him in place long enough for him to take a selfie of the two of them. As the kitten watched, Kili sent the image to Fili's number.

The accompanying text read, 'You've been replaced!'

"Ouch." Fili huffed, the word coming out as a meow.

Kili's hand appeared and scratched just under his chin this time. He leaned into the wonderful sensation so much that he almost toppled right off of Kili's shoulder. He managed to catch himself in time. Was there any place on his body he didn't enjoy being scratched?!

"Don't worry." Kili was saying, "Fili knows I could never replace him. I just wish he'd text me. I'm worried. He's my best friend, and this isn't like him. We were supposed to get together and I was going to finally..." Kili began but didn't finish as he shifted into contemplative silence.

Fili really wanted him to finish. There was so much more after that _finally_ , and Fili wanted to know.

There was probably a curiosity killed the cat joke to be made, but since Fili was the cat in question...

Fili reached out a paw to bat at Kili's nose, but ended up finally losing his balance and falling forward right into Kili's sweatshirt. Despite the clumsy move, it was a comfortable place to be. He could no longer smell any other animal and the chemicals didn't make his nose itch. The only thing he could smell was Kili.

"Wow that was smooth. You alright in there?" He looked up to see Kili peeking in through the neck hole, one of his arms having circled around the outside of the shirt so Fili wouldn't fall out.

He meowed up at the human. It was the _perfect_ place to be, which was why he curled up against Kili's stomach and decided he was just going to stay there for the duration of the vet visit.

He heard and felt Kili laugh, the slightly hairy stomach he was nestled against moving with the sound. "Once we're done here we'll find a pet store. You're going to need a few things." There was a little struggle as Kili pulled one arm inside the shirt so he could pet Fili while they waited.

Fili certainly had no objection, and he let his eyes close as gentle fingers scratched at his neck before an equally gentle hand rubbed down his back. He completely forgot anything else outside of this shirt.

Of course that's when the door opened and the vet walked in. "Kili Durin?" It sounded like an older man, and Fili's ears flicked back in annoyance at being brought back to reality.

"Yes that's me." The world tilted as Kili suddenly stood, the arm keeping Fili from falling tightening to keep him in place. "Thank you for seeing us."

"Not a problem. My name is Dr. Tement. Now..." and he had the gall to sound amused, "Where is this feline of yours?" Fili wanted to scratch his eyes out.

Kili sounded amused too. …he could keep his eyes. "He was a little stressed." He explained before suddenly Fili was pulled from the protection of Kili's shirt and brought out into the open.

He couldn't help but meow in distress. "Traitor!"

The vet was an older man with salt and pepper hair that was thinning on top a little. He still had plenty of it though. He looked friendly enough, and as a human Fili probably would have been happy to meet him. But with a chance of getting neutered, he wasn't feeling very friendly at all

The man ignored the glare and hummed as he nodded before moving to the other side of the Table of Torture. "Let's take a look at this kitten, hm?"

"Right." Kili nodded and moved to the table even as Fili begged him not to.  "Calm down, buddy. It's okay." Kili promised even through a wince as Fili's claws dug into his hand "He - she? - has been afraid." He told the vet.

"Nobody likes seeing the vet." Dr. Tement smiled, "I try not to take it personally." He turned to the Cupboard of Doom and pulled out a small blanket. It was spread out on the Table of Torture so Kili could set the kitten down.

The moment Fili was down, he tried to scramble back to Kili.

The vet chuckled and snatched him up, forcing a surprised screech from Fili's mouth. Dr. Tement didn't even seem to notice as he held Fili up to check his gender. How _humiliating_. "So you have a male. The receptionist said you didn't have a name. Were you waiting to confirm if it was a boy or a girl?" He wondered as he set Fili down again. He tried to get away immediately, but this was a seasoned veterinarian and knew he was going to bolt.

Kili hadn't mentioned a name, having just called him 'buddy' until now. As long as he didn't name him something stupid like Fluffy or Muffin, then Fili didn't care what he was called.

"Uh, yeah. That's right." Kili nodded even though it wasn't true, smiling nervously which was what made the lie obvious. To Fili anyway. He knew Kili probably better than anyone.

"Have one picked out so we can write it in his record?" The man asked, and Fili felt uncomfortable pressure as the vet pressed his meaty fingers along the kitten's body. Fili attempted to scratch at him, but it was no use. He couldn't reach.  Distracted by this new form of embarrassment and violation, it took Fili a moment to realize Kili was staring at him with the same peculiar expression as before. Fili stared back. What else was he supposed to do? It was clear Kili helping him was a lost cause.

His friend's eyes moved back to the vet, "Fee. His name is Fee."

Fili blinked. What?

Fee was the nickname Kili had given him. Happy to at least have a name he was used to, there was another part of him that was ecstatic that he - the human him - was still on Kili's mind even now. Fili doubted Kili thought about him as much as he thought about Kili, but it was something.

"Thanks Kee." Fili meowed from the table, gaining Kili's attention again, and honestly Fili liked having Kili's attention.

"Yep, that's your name now little guy." Kili reached out and gently poked Fili's nose with the tip of his finger.

"Fee." The vet repeated, probably having heard a lot stranger names in his line of work. "Looks like you're doing pretty good, Fee." He spoke to Fili this time, voice gentler like he was speaking to a young child. He probably used that tone with all his patients. "No signs of injuries and he's not starving. I'd say he's about three month's old by the looks of it." The vet let Kili pick Fili up again.

Fili immediately snuggled into the crook of Kili's neck, tail tucked between his legs in an attempt to get as far away from the vet as possible. At the vet's next words, Fili's heart dropped and started beating faster.

"I want to give him a shot for feline distemper," Dr. Tement moved back to the Cupboard of Doom to get more supplies. "But he's too young to be neutered just yet."

Hearing that last part caused relief to flood through the feline's body and he actually relaxed in Kili's grip. Finally. Oh thank god.

Kili shifted and looked at him with a slight frown, and Fili realized that a kitten wouldn't have understood that. Shit. _Shit!_

He meowed and purposely nuzzled Kili's chin in hopes of distracting him by being cute.

Whether or not it worked, it didn't matter because the vet returned with a syringe. "He's going to need to be brought back for a booster in about three or four weeks. You can make another appointment with the receptionist." He explained as he came over to administer the shot.

At least Kili didn't have to let him go. That was the last thing Fili wanted right then. Even still, he cowered against the human's neck as he was stuck with the needle. "Ow!" He wasn't exactly a fan, and maybe he was being a little over dramatic, but considering the kind of day he'd been having, he figured he was entitled to a little drama by now.

"Shh. You're okay." Kili's warm hand appeared and came to rest on Fili's head, fingers scratching a furry cheek.

Fili was so happy to get out of the vet's office and back into Kili's car. They'd gone to get it the moment Tauriel had closed the door and Kili had made the appointment, and now Fili just wanted to be somewhere safe, and Kili's car counted. They'd had a lot of adventures in that car, and a lot of meaningful late night conversations. Everything was always so profound at four in the morning.

Even though Kili's car felt safe, Fili really wanted the man to know just how unhappy he was with the vet experience. He sulked against the passenger side door as far away from Kili as he possible could, and because Kili was driving somewhere, he was too busy to grab him. Not to say Kili tried to reach over, but he spoke the entire way, telling 'Fee' what they were going to buy at the pet store.

They eventually reached their destination, and Kili turned the car off and undid his seat belt. He turned and looked expectantly at Fili. "Come on, Fee. We've gotta get you food at least. Aren't you hungry by now?" Kili wondered.

Fili was, but he was too busy still pouting.

The brunet sighed and finally reached over, easily scooping Fili up into his arms again and holding him against his chest. He smiled down at the kitten and Fili forgot why he was mad. "It couldn't have been that bad." Kili spoke, reminding Fili of the reason. "Stop pouting, Fee."

"I'm not pouting." Fili denied.

Kili just chuckled at his meows. "Well we're going to a different place this time." He promised as he stroked Fili's exposed belly. "We'll get you some treats and some toys. Maybe that'll make up for it."

Fili disagreed and made it quite clear. He refused to allow all the nice petting to sway his forgiveness so easily.

"Aw, don't be mad at me. Now you just make me feel bad." Kili stopped petting in favour of taking one of Fili's paws. He gently stroked the soft pads. It tickled but Fili didn't pull away.

Okay yeah. He couldn't stay mad at Kili for long. He'd never learned how.

Fili snuggled to him, tucking his small body as close as he could despite his position in Kili's hold.

"Oh now we're friends again?" Kili chuckled before he shifted enough so he could press a kiss right on the kitten's forehead.

Oh man. Fili had always been a sucker for forehead kisses - not that he'd had many people lining up to give them to him. Kili was just playing dirty now, but the feline didn't mind one bit. It would have been better as a human, but either way, he was going to soak it all in.

A rumbling somewhere within his throat suddenly began, and quickly filled the car.

Fili startled, and his sudden movement surprised Kili. His claws dug into Kili's shirt without his permission and his ears flicked back as the sound was abruptly cut off.

What had that vet done to him?!

He stared at Kili with wide eyes, and the brunet stared back for a moment before he threw his head back and laughed. "Have you never purred before?"

...oh.

"That's adorable." Kili smiled as he nuzzled his cheek against Fili. Oh if only he could get this kind of affection as a human. "Come on, Fee, try again." He encouraged gently, pressing another kiss to Fili's forehead.

A little embarrassed by his reaction, Fili ducked his head below Kili's chin a little, but he relaxed and allowed himself to start purring again.

"See now I know we're friends again. Cats purr when they're happy. I think." Kili grinned before looking out the window to the store. "Hm. You're going to have to stay close, Fee. I don't think they really let animals run around without a leash on."

Fili shifted in Kili's arms until he could finally climb up onto the man's shoulders like he had in the vet's office. He curled himself around Kili's neck and settled down there. It was only bonus that he could reach Kili's cheek for random nuzzles.

"You sure?" Kili turned his head enough to see him, "You do remember what happened in the vet's office, hm?" He teased as he scratched Fili's chin.

He would not be falling this time. The purring intensified at the scratches.

"Okay then." Kili chuckled, "But if you do fall, try to land in the hood of my sweater." He suggested before grabbing the keys and getting out of the car.

The smell inside the store was worse than the vet's office, though Fili figured it was just because he was a cat. There were different kinds of food smells, animal smells, and human smells. It was a little overwhelming, so Fili kept his head close to Kili so his scent was the strongest.

There didn't seem to be too many people in the store, so they took their time to browse through the different cat aisles. There were so many choices between foods alone - not that Fili was looking forward to eating cat food. And he certainly wasn't helpful whenever Kili pointed a brand or a kind out to him as if a cat could understand.

He rejected all of them, and Kili ended up just grabbing a few cans from one of the displays and tossing them into their basket.

"I hope you like chicken."

"I do, just not in cat food." Fili grumbled as they moved away from the aisle.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"It's not." Fili really wished they could communicate better.

"Well good. I wouldn't want you to go hungry." Kili continued to take his responses as positive as they made their way to the toys as they were next.

There were fake mice and squeaky toys and things on strings. Not to mention bells, and cardboard, and scratching trees taller than Kili was.

"I...have no idea what you'll even like." Kili sighed at the selections. "How about we start small and see how that goes?" It was awfully cute how Kili kept talking to him like they were having a conversation.

Fili didn't exactly know how to be a cat, but when a feathery thing was shoved in his face, he tried to catch it between his claws.

"One down." Kili grinned at him before shoving the toy into the basket.

A couple of balls with bells inside them joined the feather stick, as did an item that Fili couldn't see.

Down the litter aisle, Kili grabbed the simplest litterbox, and Fili had a slight crisis when he realized just what that meant for him.

"It's a good thing cats have no sense of decency." He complained from Kili's shoulder, earning him a few scratches.

"I think..." Kili moved to grab a box of litter with a plastic handle sticking out of the top. "Yeah, should have grabbed a cart. Oh well, we'll come back to it when we've got everything else." He promised before moving to yet another aisle.

Fili might not have known how to be a cat, but there had to be some feline instincts that came with this transformation. The next aisle held hundreds of collars and leashes of varying size and design, and all the sparkly and shiny things made it a little hard to focus.

"Let's see if you're as picky as with the cat food." Kili smirked so they made their way to the cat section where the collars were smaller and most had bells.

He was - unfortunately - lifted from Kili's shoulders and placed on a shelf where there was a little room for a little kitten like him. "Stay right there, Fee. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"I'm not a dog." Fili huffed out but did as he was told.

Kili paused in picking out a collar and looked at him. Fili stared back. "You're so mouthy." The brunet finally smiled and ruffled Fili's ears like he was known to ruffle Fili's hair sometimes.

"Stop that!" Fili whined and swiped a paw at Kili's hand, careful of his claws. He only ever pretended not to like it.

That just made Kili laugh, "Jeez. Fee is the perfect name for you. You're so much like him." He said as he grabbed a collar.

"You've got to be kidding me." Fili stared blankly at the monstrosity he was being presented with. It was pink, which really had nothing to do with why it was a monstrosity. But it had four bows that were probably bigger than Fili's head, and bells that circled the entire thing.

"Oh come on." Kili shook the collar and made it jingle. "I'd always know where you were." He undid the collar so he could wrap it around Fili's neck.

"There's a kink joke about this that I'd make if I wasn't a cat." Fili surrendered to his fate and let Kili latch the collar.

He didn't appreciate the sudden giggling the brunet was trying to smother with a hand, and he certainly never agreed to pictures being taken.

"This is so going to Fili. He’ll think it’s hilarious when he finally looks at his damn phone." Kili snickered as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

They tried on a bunch of collars, from ones that glowed in the dark to ones that were lined with spikes on the outside that made Fili feel like a biker cat.

"Now see, we can't get this one because then I'd have to buy a matching leather jacket, trade in my car for a motorbike, and join a bicycle gang." Kili poked one of the spikes with a finger as Fili modeled the collar. "You'd just be too cool for me." He grinned and switched collars.

The one they finally settled on was a tie-dye rainbow one that they found a matching leash for. It had a small bell on the front that wasn't too loud.

"Perfect." Kili declared as he scooped the kitten up from the shelf, planting a smooch on Fili's forehead. The purring was automatic now.

"Now, we just have to grab the litter and pay for everything." Kili said as he lifted Fili back onto his shoulders where the kitten made himself comfortable once more. He was still wearing the collar but Kili had the leash in the basket.

Of course it wasn't that simple. On the way out Kili spotted a name plate kiosk with customizable etching. By the time they made it back to Kili's car, Fili's new collar was boasting a new fish shaped name tag that had his name and Kili's address on it.

"Finally all done." Kili said as Fili settled in the passenger seat. "Now we can go home and introduce you to my mother. Hope she doesn't mind a guest." He pet Fili's back, causing the kitten to yawn. This experience was a little exhausting.

Fili wasn't worried as he'd practically been adopted by Kili's family anyway. They were nice, so he couldn't see them reacting badly to a temporary guest.

But for now...a well-deserved nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter in Kili's point of view first, didn't like it, so rewrote it. Why am I always rewriting things ;__;


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally they're somewhere familiar, and somewhere safe.
> 
> ...or is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still enjoying the ride, I hope! (Even though Fili's not lol)
> 
> Prompt: 27. "What was that noise?"
> 
> Going for digital prizes!

Fili slowly came awake to the sound of a door closing and then voices speaking, and a wonderful smell that made his tiny stomach growl.

"You're home earlier than I expected. You and Fili go somewhere? Your car was gone when I got home." The familiar sound of Kili's mother's voice was the first clear thing. Her inquiring tone suddenly changed to worried, "Where's Fili? Did things not go well?"

The kitten blinked sleepily and looked around, but found there wasn't much to see. He was being carried inside Kili's sweater again and the dark colour made it impossible to see through.

"We didn't get to talk." Kili explained, hurrying to calm his mother's worry, though Fili wasn't sure what for. "I went somewhere though, and I guess Fili's away for the weekend with his parents." Even to Fili's sleep muzzy ears, he could tell Kili was trying not to sound subdued.

Dis could tell too. "And he didn't tell you? That's unlike him." She said, which was followed by the sound of plates moving. "Has he texted you?"

"No not yet." Kili admitted as he moved, his shirt brushing against Fili's nose as he did and caused a tickle.

"I'm sure he will as soon as he can." Dis promised, and unknowingly or not it was true. Once this whole thing was all over, Fili would do more than just text. "Supper's ready so come and eat. You'll feel better after."

"Okay Mom. Let me just put some stuff in my room."

The tickling sensation grew worse and worse until Fili couldn't fight it anymore and he sneezed. He wasn't sure if the sound or the spray against his chest was what startled Kili, but the human jumped a little.

"What's that noise?" Dis asked suspiciously.

"I...may have picked up a friend for the weekend? Hopefully longer." Kili began and Fili could picture him grinning sheepishly. It was an adorable grin, at least when directed at Fili. Kili's mom probably didn't agree.

"What kind of friend is this?"

A hand appeared and carefully grabbed Fili to pull him out of the shirt. He blinked at the sudden change in brightness until the familiar sight of Kili's kitchen came into view. They weren't quite standing in the room yet, but Dis Durin was, and her arms were crossed and she had a spatula in her hand like a weapon.

It was a little intimidating to say the least.

Kili immediately launched into his explanation, "Fili's sister shoved him at me and pretty much begged me to take care of him for the weekend. She says she'll try to find him a home but she can't keep him because their dad's allergic." He shrugged as if it was no big deal. He lifted Fili up to his neck and the kitten moved to his shoulders, settling down as if he belonged there, eyes watching Dis and that spatula. "A vet looked at him and said he was fine."

Fili realized that Dis wasn't looking at Kili but instead staring at him. And her expression mirrored the peculiar one Kili had been giving him earlier. It was easy to see who Kili took after in the family. And it was just as unnerving.

"Kili," Dis spoke carefully, tone of voice impossible to read, "that cat-"

"He's just a kitten, Mom. He has to stay." Kili interrupted what was surely going to be a lecture about responsibility and how that cat wasn't staying in this house. "I can't just abandon him. Especially now." Kili reached up and scratched Fili's neck, making the kitten purr.

Dis pursed her lips, though she didn't seem angry. "I can clearly see you're attached since that's a name plate on his collar. And what happens if Tauriel finds this cat a home?"

Kili shrugged, "I'll just tell her I'm keeping him."

"And what if he already has a family somewhere and they're looking for him?”

Kili frowned then and Fili nuzzled against his cheek. "He was found looking in a trashcan for food." He stated as if that said enough about any presumed family. "I'm assuming Tauriel would have said something if he'd been wearing a collar."

She'd definitely say something if she saw him wearing one now.

“What about Smaug?” She asked, and Fili grew a little confused. Who the hell was _Smaug_?

“What _about_ Smaug?” Kili wrinkled his nose in distaste. “He doesn’t come out of your room unless it’s at night, and I plan on keeping Fee in my room with me anyway.”

Dis was quiet for a moment before finally giving up, "Okay. The kitten stays for now." She smiled and like so many expressions the two shared, it was also Kili's smile, "Does he have a name?"

Kili said nothing at first, focused on scratching under Fili's chin. The kitten purred loudly in appreciation, but even he noticed the blush that had formed on Kili's face. "I named him Fee."

Dis snorted in what sounded like pure amusement. "Of course you did."

Kili frowned defensively as he glared at her. There was no heat behind it though and it was born out of embarrassment. "Look at his colour! And he has blue eyes too. No other name would fit."

"I bet." Dis chortled before motioning back to the table. "So go wash up. I'm about to call your uncle for supper."

"Okay." Kili relaxed once she dropped the subject. Fili felt it while being stretched out across Kili's shoulder, but he kept purring anyway as they left the kitchen and headed down the familiar hallway to Kili's room.

This was their regular place to hang out, so Fili knew it quite well. It was a little different from his perch but still looked the same. Messy bed because Kili always claimed life was too short to make it every day and he was just going to mess it up every night anyway. A stack of video games that had fallen over next to the TV they always played on, and the large dark blue beanbag chair sitting in front that they always fought over but ended up sharing anyway. (Fili secretly enjoyed those moments being so close.) An overcrowded desk full of school work and other assorted items lived in one corner of the room, next to a bookshelf housing books, comics, framed pictures, and little figurines Kili had collected. Fili was in a few of those framed pictures too. And, of course, a few clothes scattering the floor, which was normal.

The moment they entered, Fili was hit with the scent of _Kili_ and immediately felt at peace. He nuzzled his nose against Kili's neck in affection - probably the only time he'd ever be able to do so.

Kili interpreted a little differently. "You hungry, Fee?" He cooed even as he continued to pet the kitten.

Fili was until he remembered just what awaited him for dinner. "Not for cat food." He grumbled, his meowing also being misinterpreted.

"Good! Let’s go get you a bowl!" Kili promised as he dumped his purchases on his bed. After grabbing one of the dreaded cans of cat food, Kili sauntered out of his room with Fili still clinging to his shoulder.

The kitten could feel his ears flicked back at the idea of having to force down cat food. Maybe he could sucker Kili into sharing his own supper. Then again being cute hadn't gotten him out of the vet's office any faster. But it was worth a try.

Kili's mother was just sitting down to the table when they entered the kitchen. His Uncle Thorin was already seated and digging into what looked and smelled like a delicious meal. Fili's mouth began to water.

Kili went about grabbing a bowl from a cupboard and then went in search if and can opener. From his perch on Kili's shoulder, Fili saw the moment when Kili's uncle looked up and spotted him.

Fili had always thought the man looked a little intimidating. He had always been nice though, and had treated Fili like a part of the family. He had a serious demeanor, though Dis could really get him going sometimes.

Now the man was staring at him and his eyes narrowed in a way that made Fili automatically hunker down as if he could hide. He must have dislikes cats.

"Dis," Thorin's low voice was quiet but not quiet enough for Fili's heightened sense of hearing, "there is a-"

"-That's Kili's new kitten." Dis interrupted as she buttered a bun on her plate. "I already told him he’s allowed to keep it, and he's going to be responsible for it, isn't he?" This part was said to Kili.

Kili, who'd grabbed a bowl and was spooning out wet cat food into it, rolled his eyes. "Yes Mother. I take full responsibility." He promised, but Fili's attention was on the gross food that was meant for him. Yuck. It didn't even smell good.

Thorin's impressive set of dark eyebrows narrowed. That peculiar expression ran in the family. He said nothing though as he picked up the glass in front of him and began to drink.

"What's his name again, dear?" The smile on Dis' made it clear that she remembered. She just wanted Kili to say it.

Kili huffed even as he knelt down to set the cat food on the floor. "You just want to make fun of me." He muttered, "His name is Fee."

Thorin's eyes went wide for a moment before he coughed, choking on his drink. He coughed a few times in an attempt to catch his breath. "You're kidding." He muttered to Dis.

Dis just smiled and shrugged her shoulder. "Nope. Thorin dear, you know how close my son and Fili are, and that's what Kili decided to name him. Though I'm curious as to what Fili will think of you naming a kitten after him." She said as Kili pulled Fili from his shoulders and set him down in front of the food.

Fili sniffed it and instantly recoiled back into Kili's legs, meowing up at him.

"If Fili would look at his phone, he'd already know he's been replaced." Kili muttered as he pet along Fili's back, which had him arching up into it. But that didn't mean he was going to eat the food. "I know you're used to digging through trash cans, but now you get good food."

"This is not good food." Fili argued but only got his head patted before Kili stood up to wash his hands.

The feline turned to glare at the bowl of food as if it was the cause of everything. There was no way he was eating that. He turned away from the bowl, and seeing that Kili had joined his family, trotted over to him calling his name. Of course to Kili it was just a bunch of meowing.

"So I take it things didn't go as you were planning today since you're home now." Thorin's voice came from above the table, but from his position by Kili's chair, Fili couldn't see him.

He saw it when Kili sighed though, leaning his head in his hand and his elbow on the table as he seemed to just play with his food. He looked so depressed over whatever hadn't gone right - and Fili could empathise with things not going right - that the kitten felt the need to try to distract him from those thoughts again.

"If you aren't eating it, I will." Fili meowed to get Kili's attention.

Kili glanced at him, "You have your own food, Fee." He said before turning back to his uncle and shrugging. "Fili wasn't home. His sister said he'd left for the weekend."

Fili wrinkled his nose at being dismissed so easily.

"I see." Thorin sounded like he was frowning but Fili really didn't care because he was focused on Kili.

He stood up on his hind legs and pawed at Kili's jeans. He could barely reach the brunet's knee but he did what he could. Kili ignored him.

How dare he.

"Well I'm sure you'll see him on Monday." Thorin tried to make him feel better. "You can tell him then."

Fili's ears twitched as he finally started to pay attention to the conversation. Kili had something to tell him? His heart sped up a little bit at what it might be. Kili didn't exactly seem excited about whatever it was, so it was hard to judge if it was something bad or good.

He hated not being able to speak so Kili could understand. The thought of something between them that caused Kili to be upset was painful.

Kili snorted in response to his uncle. "Yeah sure. Just push him against the lockers and kiss him. No big deal." He mumbled.

Fili fell over. Literally.

His thud against the floor halted anymore conversation.

"What?!" He meowed loudly.

"Aw did you hurt yourself, pumpkin?" Dis cooed as she got up from her chair and came to scoop him up. She carried him back to the kitchen which was exactly the opposite place he wanted to be.

Now that he wasn't floor level, he could see the table, and he was just in time for a rather dramatic eye roll from Thorin as he continued the conversation with Kili. "I didn't mean for you to go to that extreme."

Fili meowed again, trying to squirm out of Dis' arms so he could go back to Kili. He needed to make his friend understand that it was him, and he really needed to know more about Kili kissing him against lockers. Or kissing him against anything really. Or not even against anything at all. They needed to just talk about kissing.

Dis really needed to let him down.

"You are a feisty little thing, aren't you?" Dis chuckled as she held him, somehow managing to keep him from getting away. "You can go back to Kili in a moment. Just let him finish his meal. And I think I have something you'll like more than that cat food." She chuckled before offering him something from the counter.

The smell hit him first and his stomach took precedence over Kili just a little. He could figure everything out after he'd had his fill. He licked his lips at the sight of cut up chicken sitting on a little plate.

"That's what I thought." Dis smiled as she set him and a small plate of actual chicken on the floor. "I was saving this for a sandwich tomorrow, but I think you'll enjoy it more."

"Mom, you're going to spoil him." Kili scowled when he figured out what his mother was doing.

Dis huffed, "I think a kitten abandoned by his family found digging through trash deserves to be a little spoiled at least once. You can try the cat food again tomorrow."

Kili could try the cat food all he liked but Fili wasn't going to eat it. And he didn't feel bad because he would make sure his dumb sister paid Kili back for everything he bought.

He wolfed down the food in case anyone decided to take it away. Chewing was awkward as he wasn't used to the kind of teeth he had, but he managed.

When he was finished the food and bad drank up a bunch of water from a bowl also offered to him, he had the overwhelming urge to wash his face

...so he did.

It wasn't as odd as he thought it would. No, who was he kidding. He was licking his _paws_ and rubbing against his _furry_ face! Of course it was odd!

Before he could even finish, he was plucked up into the air again, and before he could complain about the treatment, he found himself being snuggled to a familiar chest, and there were no complaints to be made.

He began to purr as he nuzzled against the underside of Kili's chin.

"I have to set up the litterbox, but then I'll come do the dishes." Kili said to his mother. They'd apparently finished with supper while Fili had been grooming.

Dis waved him away. "You set up the litter box and then get to studying. Your uncle will do the dishes." She smirked at her brother and his dark scowl.

Kili didn't seem to want to argue, "Sounds good to me!"

The litterbox was set up in a bathroom across the hall from Kili's room, and as if that was a trigger, Fili suddenly had to go.

Fuck.

Yeah. It wasn't the proudest moment of his life and he never wanted to talk or think about the experience ever again in his life, thank you very much. And miracle of miracles, Kili had left to give him some privacy. He wasn't sure he'd be able to look his best friend (and possibly more if the conversation about kissing ever happened) in the eye again.

He was trotting across the hall back to Kili’s room when a sense of foreboding overcame him, and he froze on the spot, paw raised to take another step.

What the hell was that?

His little heart began to race and it took a moment for him to realize there was a scent that filled the hallway that hadn’t been there before. It wasn’t something he was familiar with, but he knew he didn’t like it.

There was a low rumbling, much, much lower than Fili’s purring could ever be.

Fili’s ears twitched toward the sound, realizing it was coming from the end of the hall where he knew Dis’ room was. The door had always been closed whenever Fili was over, and he’d never been inside Dis’ room before. He’d never had a reason to be.

But now the closed door was open and a pair of menacing red eyes that seemed to glow in the dark was staring at him.

That sense of foreboding quickly grew into fear as a dark creature seemed to melt from the darkness. Its heavy weight caused every step to vibrate through the floor while its long and sharp looking claws clicked across the hardwood floor. It hissed threateningly as it bowed its scaly head, eyes narrowing at the sight of the kitten.

“What the hell?!” Fili shrieked, ears flattening against his skull and tail tucking between his legs rather quickly. His heart lurched inside his chest as fear gripped him as the creature began to scuttle towards him. Fili’s sense of size might have been a little off considering he was so small, but the thing must have been ten feet long!

This was it. This was how he was going to die. He was going to be eaten stuck as a cat. He whimpered and closed his eyes.

“Smaug! _No_!” Kili’s voice was loud and booming in the hallway.

Something  circled around Fili’s body, and all he could imagine were the thing’s jaws clamping down on him. Instinct caused him to lash out, claws catching against skin.

“Ow.” Kili hissed as Fili found himself held against the human’s shoulder. “Shh.” He cooed quietly as he nuzzled his chin against Fili’s head. “You’re okay.” He promised even as he sucked on the bleeding wound on his hand thanks to Fili’s claws. "What are you doing out here?" Kili growled and Fili knew that he wasn't the one Kili was speaking to. His tone was nothing but annoyance and anger.

"Hey!" Kili yelped and it felt like he stumbled. Fili curled close against him, but managed to glance down. The creature - a lizard of some sort - was trying to climb Kili's leg. "No. Get down." The human ordered and the creature reluctantly obeyed.

The thing was as easily as long as Kili was tall with its tail. Fili probably would have remembered what it was called if he wasn't paralysed in fear.

"You're not supposed to be running around." Kili told the lizard, "Mom! Smaug got out!" He called.

 _This_ was Smaug!?

Fili recalled how Smaug was only supposed to come out at night and vowed right then and there that he wouldn't be leaving the safety of Kili's bedroom again.

"Oh for heaven's sake." Dis appeared and marched down the hallway, pinning the lizard with a glare. "Were you terrifying Kili's new kitten?" She demanded, and the way she bent down and wagged a finger at the beast would have been hilarious if Fili hadn’t just been on the menu.

The creature hissed and tried to climb her leg this time, though it didn't seem to be with the intent of hunting dinner.

Dis melted and knelt down. "Aw, that's my boy." She cooed as she pet the lizard's head, even scratching his chin.

Smaug's tongue flicked out and he closed his eyes as he happily soaked up the attention.

"Aw, were you just saying hello?" Dis continued to coo. "We have a new friend now, and you're to be nice to him." She gently booped the evil monster on the nose. "Now come on. You’re awake so we might as well get you something to eat. Come along dear, to the kitchen." She stood and began to walk, patting her leg as if coaxing a dog.

Smaug followed, but with one last dark look up at Fili. The feline didn't get the impression that Smaug had just wanted to say hello.

Kili didn't wait until they disappeared, huffing and heading into his room. He closed the door firmly before focusing back on Fili. "It's okay, Fee. He can't come in here. You're safe." He promised as he pet Fili all over to try and help the kitten calm down.

"What was a that thing?!" Fili mewled, still in a bit of a panic. Being in Kili's room, held against Kili like he was certainly helped a little though.

"He really scared you, didn't he?" Kili murmured as he sat down in the beanbag chair and reclined a little. "He's...very grumpy and likes hiding out in my mom's room. Why a monitor lizard..." He sighed. Right, that's what it was called. "He's very much like a dragon."

That was a bit of an understatement in Fili's opinion. All Smaug needed was the ability to breathe fire.

"But I promise you're safe." Kili murmured into Fili's fur, giving Fili's head a kiss. Fili began to purr quietly, still a little shaky from the encounter but calming down now that the danger had passed.

"I know just the thing that'll completely calm you down...or put you to sleep." Kili snickered to himself as he reached over to his discarded backpack and pulled it closer by one of the straps. When he pulled out his chemistry text book, Fili knew exactly where he was going with this, and he was right. Kili settled back more, bent his knees up, and propped the book up against them so he could read. Fili stayed right where he was curled up a little under Kili's chin.

Whether it was the sound of Kili's voice or the text from the book, Fili eventually calmed down and practically forgot about the terrifying incident.

Fili had no sense of how long Kili read for as he'd closed his eyes and kind of drifted off, but he felt himself rise and fall when Kili released a large sigh. When blue eyes blinked open and focused on the human, he found Kili's head was hanging back over the edge of the beanbag and he was no longer reading.

"Kee?" He asked softly, the sound coming out as a small mewl.

Kili looked up and at him, and then smiled. That smile was a treasure, and Fili wanted to always be at the receiving end of it. "Hey you. Have a little nap?" He put his book down before bringing a hand up to pet and then scratch at Fili's ears.

There _had_ to be someway Fili could have this moment replicated when he had fingers and toes again.

Kili let out a groan as he sank farther into the chair. "I can't even concentrate. This is ridiculous."

"Why?" Fili questioned as he watched the human, his purr the only other sound in the room. When they studied together, the room was never silent. They'd be asking each other questions and laughing and stupid jokes or comments the other made about an answer or a question. Sometimes there'd be music in the background and sometimes not, but there was never silence.

"I can't even study without Fili. God I'm pathetic." Kili sighed this time, throwing an arm over his eyes like an over dramatic teenager. Well. He wasn't far off.

"No I study better when we study together too." Fili promised, wishing Kili knew how honestly fun those moments were.

Kili's arm fell to the side and he looked at the kitten, "Wonder if you'll like him. Wonder if he'll like you. I don't think I know his opinion on cats." He wondered as he gently dragged his hand from Fili's head all the way down and along his tail.

God Kili gave the best pets.

Fili assumed anyway, though he was biased. Very, very biased.

"I hope you like him." Kili continued, "I can’t have you guys not getting along." He chewed his bottom lip for a few moments, and Fili knew that meant he was trying to sort his thoughts out. “We just clicked when we met, and suddenly I wasn’t just _Kili_ anymore. It’s always _Fili-and-Kili_ , like we’re one person.” He smiled at that, and Fili was glad he wasn't the only one to feel that way. “People actually worry when they catch us separately, wondering if something's wrong of if we've had a fight or something.” He rolled his eyes and Fili understood because he got asked the same questions.

"You know, I was going to tell him today. It's taken me months to gain the courage." Fili listened silently, even his purring had quieted. He was surprised at how calm he was knowing what Kili was talking about. There was nothing he could do about it right at the moment anyway, but the first chance he got that was going to change. "I'm so stupid." Kili bemoaned and let his head fall back.

Fili moved then, crawling across Kili's chest so he could curl up in the crook of the brunet's neck and shoulder, snuggling into the beanbag. Kili smiled and leaned into him. It was the only comfort he could offer in this form, and he was glad it could bring that smile out.

"I just...really, _really_ like him."

"I hope that's not why you think you're stupid. I like you too, idiot." He meowed happily and purred louder, excited for the weekend to be over so he could be himself again, and then he'd be able to tell Kili that he felt the same.

He nuzzled against Kili's cheek in a sad attempt to share his affection. Oh if only he wasn't a cat.

But then Kili spoke again, "Maybe it’s for the best that Fili wasn’t home today. Like…Fate or something intervened to stop me from making a huge mistake." He began sadly causing Fili's ears to flick back. Kili should never be sad, especially about something like this. It made something in Fili itch to fix It.

“Fate did nothing. This is all Tauriel’s fault. We could be making out and pretending to study by now if she hadn’t turned me into a cat!”

Kili ignored him. "Maybe I would have just jeopardized our friendship, and I'd rather have my best friend than scare him away."

No, no. Just no. Fili couldn't have that.

Fili could have laughed at that utterly ridiculous statement as he pushed himself from his comfortable spot, "You wouldn't jeopardize anything!" He meowed in half frustration and half excitement as he climbed onto Kili's chest again so that the human could see him. He had half a mind to smother him with his furry body for thinking such things. As if anything could ruin their friendship. "Are you kidding? For the love of - when I have hands to grab you and lips to kiss you with again, you better believe I'm going to kiss some sense into you!" He reared up onto his hind legs before pouncing on Kili's face in an attempt to drive his point home.

"Ack!" Kili flinched in surprise but then hands came up to cradle Fili even as he attacked Kili's nose with a playful nip. "What's gotten into you, Fee?" The brunet laughed, making Fili feel satisfied for having gotten rid of the melancholy expression that should never have graced Kili's face in the first place. "Are you tired of listening to me go on? You want to play now?"

Fili wanted to curl up against Kili and never leave, but he supposed playing could help distract the human and maybe burn off some of this giddy energy the feline had. "Yeah okay. Let's play. I'll chase anything as long as it'll make you smile."

Kili moved, getting up long enough to dig out the things he'd bought from the bag on his bed. Fili waited patiently after being put down.

Kili was taking a long time for just grabbing the little plastic balls or the feather stick. Fili opened his mouth to meow when suddenly a red dot appeared right in front of him. There wasn't a thought in his head before the kitten was attempting to pounce on it. Of course he couldn't catch it since it was just a laser.

Fili resigned himself to chasing the little light he knew he'd never be able to catch, and despite the pointlessness of it, he enjoyed himself. He got to see what he was capable of while in this body when Kili moved the laser high along the wall or over his bed. He could jump pretty high, though it had taken a few attempts to jump and climb up onto Kili's mattress. He'd fallen the first few times, but it was all made worth it when Kili would laugh or even scoop him up and kiss his forehead as if to apologize.

Chemistry homework and the lack of texts from missing friends was all but forgotten for a little while, though eventually Fili flopped over onto one of Kili's shirts and didn't want to get up again.

"Tired out?" Kili asked as he came over and picked the limp body up.

"Yes." Fili panted quietly and molded himself to Kili's shoulder and neck when he was held close. This was quickly becoming his favourite spot.

"I should probably see about making a bed for you..." Kili trailed off as he glanced around the room. "Oh I know." Fili was set down in the middle of the beanbag chair, meaning he couldn't quite see over the crater he was in, but he watched Kili grab a shirt from the floor and move back to his bed.

"There we go." The brunet returned only a moment later to pick Fili up again so he could show the kitten what he'd done.

What he'd done was stuff a pillow inside the shirt he'd picked up and placed it next to another pillow clearly meant for Kili to use. Fili was set down on his makeshift bed and sniffed around a little. Unsurprisingly it smelled like Kili, and that was just perfect in Fili's opinion.

A hand reached out and ran down his back to his tail. "Why don't you take a catnap," Kili smiled at his own joke, "while I study for a bit. Gotta ace this chemistry test."

At least one of them would. Maybe Kili would help him with a little extra studying during the week. Actual studying, not just making out.

Though Fili wouldn't be opposed to doing that either.

The pleasant reminder that his feelings were returned warmed the inside of the kitten's chest. Kili might not know his feelings were reciprocated just yet, but he would eventually.

A yawn escaped him and taking a nap sounded like a good idea. Kili would be there when he woke up. "Alright, you win. I'm going to sleep." He murmured as he found a comfortable spot on the pillow and curled up into a ball.

Kili patted him once more before going back to the beanbag and grabbing his chemistry textbook. The last thing Fili saw before his eyes finally slid closed was the brunet sitting at his desk, head bent down over the text, and his phone sitting silently beside him.

***

Fili hadn't intended to sleep long, but the next time he opened his eyes the room was dark and everything was quiet.

For a small panicky moment, he forgot where he was, but then the sight of Kili's room registered to his sleepy mind and he relaxed. This was a place he knew. A safe place.

It was a little surprising to realize he could see in the dark. It wasn't perfect, but it was manageable. He noticed the familiar form of Kili stretched out next to him on the bed, sleeping peacefully. The fingers of one hand were buried in Fili's fur even in sleep as if to make sure he was there.

Fur. Kili's place. Right. He was a cat. He sighed and laid his head back down, eyes falling shut once more.

He was just slipping off to sleep again when he thought he felt a familiar kind of tingling sensation in his limbs. He cracked his eyes open to see, and in his dream like state, he imagined a figure standing next to Kili's bed with what looked like a _wand_ in their hand. But that couldn't be right.

He tried to fight off sleep but it was no use. It was dragging him down quickly, or was that a spell?

With the last of his effort he managed to open his eyes long enough to focus on a face before he slipped under.

What the...

No way...

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Dis?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone was curious, Smaug is a Blackthroat Monitor. [Here's a video!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bno-qsnbUA)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this silly story. I'm glad it's been enjoyable and so many have liked it! This is (sadly) the last chapter, though I can't say it's completely finished. I have a tendency to write sequels when I didn't plan them.
> 
> **Prompt:** 105\. Magic Wand

The sensation of being watched woke Fili up, and a groan managed to further the process. It took Fili's sleepy mind a moment to realize the groan was his. His head hurt and he just wanted to sleep some more, but that sensation was making the hair, or fur he supposed, on the back of his neck stand on end.

When he managed to crack his eyes open, he found that Kili was sitting up on his side of the bed with his legs crossed facing Fili. His hair was mused badly and tumbled about his face, and he was still in his pajamas. He had his chemistry book open across his knees and he'd probably been reading it at some point, but now he was staring at Fili curiously.

"Waking up next to you would be ten times better if I was a human." Fili mumbled around a sigh, just wanting this spell to be fixed so he could go back to his life.

"Only ten?" Kili's scoffed even as he leaned forward. "I would have said at least twenty. And you _are_ human, by the way, so we can probably work something out for next weekend, unless you turning into a cat is suddenly a weekend thing."

"Wait, what?" It was Fili's turn to stare at Kili as his mind tried to figure out what was wrong with this situation. Why was Kili responding to him like he could actually understand? The click as his brain finally put it together might have been audible.

He immediately looked at his paws to see if they were normal, and he found fingers and a thumb on each of them! And oh my god he'd never been so happy to have hands before. He let out a relieved and happy laugh as he checked himself over. No pointy ears, no fuzzy tail, no more whiskers, his tongue no longer tickled the roof of his mouth, and he was no longer covered in fur.

In fact he wasn't covered at all and was stretched out along Kili's bed. Completely naked.

"Shit!" He yelped as he grabbed for a blanket, quickly pulling it over himself as he sat up on the bed. He wanted to bury himself in a deep pit and never come out again. "How did - why are - who-"

The vague image of a person holding a wand came back to him like a fading dream. He looked at Kili with wide eyes.

The brunet just looked amused by the whole thing. That wasn't exactly what Fili had been expecting. "Why aren't you freaking out?"

Kili laughed and it was a little hysterical. "Oh I am. But not about you being a cat. You aren't the first person I've known to be turned into an animal."

And suddenly Fili's _dream_ made sense. "Your mom...?"

"Is a witch, yes." Kili responded easily, leaning his chin in one of his hands as he leaned his elbows on his knees. His curiosity seemed to have grown.

Dis was a witch. Holy cow. What about Thorin? What about-

"And you...?" Fili asked slowly.

Kili shrugged as if to say it didn't matter. And maybe it didn't. For the moment anyway. "You were a _cat_." He stated it and there was still a tone of disbelieve in his voice. "Who'd you piss off to get turned into a cat?"

Fili wrinkled his nose - and maybe a small part of him blamed this entire situation on his nose. That was the part of him that Tauriel had tried to change after all. "I didn't piss off anyone."

Kili's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Then how-"

"Tauriel." Fili cut him off not needing him to ask. "It was Tauriel. Something went wrong and she couldn't turn me back."

"So...Tauriel's a witch." Kili concluded, frowning for a moment.

"Not a very good one." Fili muttered, but that was just his annoyance showing through. Tauriel was a good witch, she just needed more practice.

"So then you're...?"

Fili shook his head, long hair caressing against his shoulders. He really needed to brush it. "No. I'm not." It was always embarrassing to admit that he didn't have the ability of magic like the rest of his family. And it was made worse because Kili knew about witches and magic. "But I'm embarrassingly susceptible to it." He sighed and rubbed at his eyes in frustration.

Fili eventually told Kili about all the times Tauriel had practiced on him. "Sometimes it doesn't go according to plan. But they're always little things. This...was different." He shrugged, not telling Kili that she'd kind of tricked him since she'd lied about their father's permission.

Kili sighed and looked down at his wrist. It was then that Fili realized that Kili had the cat collar around it. "I was looking forward to having a cat." He muttered as the bell tinkled.

"Sorry, Kee." Fili wanted to reach out and take Kili's hand but didn't move.

Kili glanced up at him and smiled, "Well, I might not be able to keep Fee, but there's nothing stopping me from adopting another. And you're going to help me pick one out since you're such an expert on felines." He smirked.

Fili relaxed, glad that Kili didn't seem to upset about Fee not being a real cat. He was still Fili, just not furry and small. And it wasn't like Fili would have a problem snuggling with him if he ever asked. "Of course I will."

"Good." Kili nodded and placed the collar on his nightstand. "So, I'm going to assume turning her brother into a cat wasn't Tauriel's end game, though it's probably a great way to become an only child." Kili said wryly. "How did this happen?"

Fili buried his face in his hand before sighing, "It was a spell that changes your appearance. It's new, and once she's mastered it, she's allowed to have a familiar. She _tried_ to just change my nose because she thinks it's ugly, but she got distracted with thoughts of cats because she wants one as a familiar." He eventually looked up at Kili.

To his surprise, his friend looked offended, and for a moment Fili wasn't sure what he did to put that expression there.

Kili huffed, "Your nose is _not_ ugly!" He said rather passionately, and his words warmed Fili's heart. The pleasant sensation only grew when Kili blushed a nice red after realizing what he'd just said.

Fili didn't mind at all - it fact he was flattered and happy. "Thanks." He said sincerely so Kili would know he wasn't being made fun of.

The brunet relaxed a little and then suddenly grinned widely, "That explains Smaug's behaviour." Kili was trying to keep from laughing. "He never comes out of my mom's room. But he not only smelled _you_ , but the fresh magic on you and wanted to investigate."

Fili wasn’t sure how to feel about the implication of that lizard knowing his scent.

"How come I've never even heard of Smaug?" Fili asked instead, deciding to focus on the things he didn’t want to avoid. There were very few things they kept from each other, and a giant lizard who liked to eat kittens wasn't exactly a small thing.

Of course the answer was staring him right in the face. Kili's family most likely had the same rules about telling people that Fili’s did. Kili had thought that Fili's family was a regular family, albeit a little weird at times. Of course he wouldn't have said anything.

"He's a familiar, isn't he?" Fili was quick to clue in.

Kili nodded. "Yeah, my mom's."

A shudder shook Fili's frame as he remembered the sight of that beast stampeding toward him. If Kili hadn't rescued him then he probably would have been eaten. "He's scary."

That brought out Kili's laugh, and it was bright enough for Fili to forgive him for laughing in the first place. "You should see his actual form. He's a dragon."

"An actual dragon?"

"With wings and all."

That was probably the most shocking thing Fili had heard or seen this entire weekend. Dragon familiars were rare. Dis must have been powerful to have one.

"...you mentioned that." Fili realized, though hadn't taken it so literally. That's probably what Kili was going for. Nobody would truly believe a lizard was a dragon.

"Yeah." Kili said, an oddly sheepish tone in his voice. He looked away and turned to look at his chemistry book still in his lap. "I mentioned a lot of things we should probably talk about."

Fili didn't have the energy to play stupid, and he wouldn't have done it anyway. He knew what Kili was talking about, and Kili knew he knew.

Feeling a little brave after his adventure - he'd faced a dragon after all, that changes a man - he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Is this the part where we confess our feelings for each other and talk more about this kissing thing?" He asked, hopeful. He grinned when Kili looked up at him with a shy smile on his face. "Because I've been half way in love with you for the better part of two years, and after the traumatizing ordeal I just went through, I think I could use a kiss or ten."

The surprised laugh that came from Kili was worth any embarrassment, and the brunet's face was flushed and beautiful when he finally managed to catch his breath. "I think we can arrange that since I've been half way in love with you for a long time too." He promised with that shy smile Fili was quickly growing attached to.

And the moment Fili had longed for was about to happen.

There was the thud of Kili's textbook as it landed on the floor, and then the slight shift of springs as the bed dipped near Fili. And then _finally_ soft, warm lips were caressing his own in a first kiss so perfect that Fili would have thought it was magic—

— despite the fact that he was naked under the blanket and someone could potentially walk in at any moment, and Fili just wasn't sure how Dis or god forbid Thorin would react to the scene.

Fili also didn't care because they kept kissing. Soft, chaste kisses that were almost too sweet to handle, and he wanted to keep each one in his memory forever.

"Mm." Kili hummed against his lips, pulling away just enough for Fili to see that he was smiling. "Looks like I get to keep Fee after all." He teased.

Fili echoed his smile, "For as long as you want." He promised before pulling Kili back into another kiss.

Maybe he should actually thank Tauriel after all.

Then again, maybe not. He didn't need to have his sister lording that over his head.

Kili pulled away again much to Fili's disappointment. He must have made a noise because Kili chuckled and kissed the end of his _not ugly_ nose. "Sorry, but I just had a sudden thought."

Fili was almost afraid to ask.

Even more alarming was the devious smirk that crossed Kili's face. "Does this mean I still have to take you to the vet to get your booster shot?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I purposely didn't specify if Kili was a witch or not so I could leave it open for continuation if inspiration ever strikes. But for now, it's completely up to you whether you believe he's magical or not. (Fili leans towards magical. His lips at least.)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
